Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
