i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize