just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
