so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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