I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize