I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
People in love make me want to vomit
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
