I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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