yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
