Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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