i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
