the new term for farting is butt boxing.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
