Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
