just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
