I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
