White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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