i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You left your underwear on the fireplace
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
