i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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