"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
