I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Alive.
So much puke
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
