So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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