So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Randomize
