so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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