dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
