you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
