I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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