I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
