We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
