I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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