Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
