I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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