I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We need to rekindle our bromance
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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