Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
