I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
