go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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