I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize