Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
