the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
