i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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