apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
