Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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