I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
