I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
