look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He did a backflip because drugs
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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