if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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