I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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