So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
