break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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