You're so nebulous sometimes
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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