there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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