he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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