Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
