38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
