I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
