Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
