I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
