remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
