i used baking grease as lip gloss
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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