I wanna bring you to show and tell
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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