How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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