So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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