So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
its liver damage thursday
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize