the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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