Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
