I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I deserve this hangover.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
