I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You made out with two different species that night
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
