Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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