Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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